When the marrying kind, are not marrying

The age-old adage,

"There are two kinds of girls in this world, marrying kind and the dating kind."

Thorn in my flesh. 

Lego under my foot.

Nail in my tire. 

Pea in my mattress. 

Can I paint a clearer picture?

I am inconvenienced, aggravated, and down right mad at this quote. And what I'm about to unload won't negate the quote and that makes me more mad. 

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The idea that the whole of the female population is easily and viably broken up into two categories just doesn't fly with me. Beyond that does one type remain that type until who knows or is it a changeable thing and at any given moment the numbers in either group eb and flow? What happens when this system just doesn't work? 

And there we have it. The kicker to this whole plot. This isn't working and yet we keep feeding ourselves these thoughts that somehow maintaining a level of understanding, "I'm a marrying kind! I'm a marrying kind!" will somehow make all this...well, not this. 

Why? Why do we do this? To young girls? Old girls? Babies? Ourselves? We have unconsciencely created this ideological world for ourselves where we somehow follow this pattern like a chemical reaction. It won't work that way honey. It just won't. 

Let me set some stages for you. Give you a little context.

*All names and similarities to persons either living or dead is completely coincidental.*

Rebekah is a high school graduate. At a very young age she heard so many times passages and truths about being a wife and mommy. She dreamed of the day she would rock her own babies. It was reinforced time and time again about finding that prince, creating that life and having those babies. It was not wrong or forced. But more it was the idea in this that there was no possible way anything but that very thing would happen. She did all the Biblical womanhood studies, she was mentored by her mom and other stay-at-home wives. She practiced her homemaking skills. She saved herself for marriage. She babysat every chance she got. She's done everything the marrying kind is supposed to do...except marry.

Then we have Lisa. She had aspirations of traveling, getting a degree...in what? No one knew, least of all Lisa. But she would get one. She participated in all the classic teenage guy-girl interactions. Her behavior was a categorical flirt, let's be honest. She went to the dances. She wore the make up. As she grew older she had several boyfriends. Each one changed as easily as the profile picture on her Facebook page. After graduation she traveled a bit, did some community college, met a wonderful, Godly man, was quickly engaged and soon to be married. She's done everything the dating kind is supposed to do...and marry.

This isn't an uncommon tale. There is some kind of unearthed archaic system that drives so many to do and be all that a future spouse would want without ever having that actually come true. The reason this system is broken is because it was never meant to be put in place. The marrying kind aren't born that way. It is a response to an unspoken requirement. Trust me, I would much rather have Rebekah's resume than Lisa's but I would love to have Lisa's outcome.

In this day and age girls aren't living in castles waiting for princes to come make a deal with the king. My dad's address isn't in some database somewhere with descriptions of his unmarried princesses for someone to come riding in on a horse and save. Although, if you drove a mustang I wouldn't mind! ;) Instead girls are getting older while marriage and commitment seems lost to the masses.

So, back to the system. It doesn't work because it was never made to work. We weren't placed on this earth to make dinner and babies. We weren't given days to live them piddling with extra curriculars  until Mr. Right comes along. It doesn't work because we weren't made to do that. We were made to praise Him and glorify Him forever.

Did you catch it?

Let me say it again, a little differently.

Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever. Psalm 86 source

So. There it is. The studying Rebekah did didn't matter. The flirting Lisa did didn't mean anything. In the end, both had one job, to glorify and enjoy God forever. Sadly though in Rebekah's case, in most of the Rebekahs, there is a bitterness that begins. Before she knows it, Rebekah is unmarried and severely discouraged because she's been chasing the wrong things. She hasn't been enjoying God at all. She's been enjoying being a wife and mommy...one day. For all she knows Lisa got exactly what Rebekah wanted without ever having to work for it.

Now, I'm not saying that Lisa was genuinely in love with her Creator and He brought about this wonderful story. Lisa may have carried around some other enjoyments. Lisa now carries memories of her actions whether all in her head or a token of a reminder for all time. For all we know, Lisa may have been given the gift that she didn't deserve because God would be glorified. And isn't that our end...to glorify Him.

I say out with the system. Ban the cliches. There isn't marrying and dating kind. There is the glorifying and enjoying kind. I call for the need to nurture our girls to desire to encourage others to do this by cultivating in them a desire for that to happen now. If this eventually translates to glorifying Him through marriage then amen but if it doesn't, it won't change that our enjoyment of the Father is completely unrelated to our walk down an aisle. I think its about time our girls knew this.

Give up on dreams? Heavens, no! God knows the desires deep in my heart. Desires to have a hubby and babies. But I say give up on this daily "training" to become a wife. Instead sink all time, focus, efforts, and energy into enjoying God and praising him FOREVER. Soaking up Scripture of His promises. Being Gospel-minded, grace-driven, and sharing the love of Jesus with anyone I come in contact with. Doing all to His glory and in all things being seasoned with grace.

To you Rebekahs, how have you enjoyed the Father today? How have you wrapped yourself in His unyielding love? How have you glorified Him by loving others today? Enjoy Him, glorify Him.

And you Lisas, Are you enjoying God right now? In your wedding plans, early married day bliss, have you glorified Him? How have you wrapped yourself in His unyielding love? How have you glorified Him by loving others today? Enjoy Him, glorify Him.

I intend to enjoy Him today. Free from the stress of wondering about tomorrow because I plan to do the same thing then too. Join me! Enjoy Him, right now, tomorrow, in three weeks, next summer, in ten years, when you're 60, 83, 97...you get the point!