in You I find my hope

I was recently asked what my hopes and dreams were for the coming 5 years to a decade. I responded by stating that I was already not where I imagined myself five years ago so I'm learning to just hang on for the ride and whatever God has in mind. I know my answer caused some surprise or even concern that I didn't care enough to "try." But please understand, the opposite couldn't be more true. So for the sake of a currently very bold AH let's just jump into it.

I dream of marrying my best friend. I dream of learning more about each other and the God we serve while falling in love. I dream about being asked to be his. I dream of planning forever. I dream about "I do." I dream about serving along side of my husband in whatever capacity God has in mind. I dream of feeling exhausted, drained, and thrilled as we discover the ways we will love Jesus while serving others.

I dream of having and adopting babies. I dream of calling them mine and not having to send them home at the end of the day. I dream of traveling miles or blocks to add a new addition. I dream of rocking them to sleep, helping them walk, and hearing them talk. I dream of watching them grow. I dream of actually celebrating a mother's day...as a mother. I dream of teaching them about the world God made, our history, and how to spell chrysanthemum.

I hope to have my own home. I dream of welcoming young and old, rich and poor, friend or stranger through the doors. I dream of decorating with hand-me-down pieces and making do with what I'm given. I dream of painting walls and pulling up carpet. I dream of dishes in my cabinets and meals in my oven.

But God's dreams for me are not the same I have for myself. I don't want to be a Martyr Moe but if I'm so focused on my dreams instead of living the life God has given me I will be sorely disappointed and bitter with my Father. So I choose not to dwell on those things. I still desire them. They are still dreams. But my focus is entirely somewhere else. Why? Because this...

For starters, my value and my fulfillment will never be found in a husband, or kids, or a job, or a business, or anything else. If I am unable to truly see my value through the eyes of the cross then I will never adequately be able to serve God. Not currently or in any hope or dream. If I never become a wife or a mom my value doesn't decrease or increase. I was bought by the precious blood of Jesus, I was redeemed by His relentless love, and I was restored by His great plan and purpose. I am already ridiculously gifted with a life I don't deserve that will ultimately result in my forever spent praising the One that provided it for me.

Secondly, why would I spend my time preparing for something that God may never produce in my life? Why would I waste years I could be joyfully serving Him in whatever ways He brings by pining for a life He isn't bringing? This is where the Martyrdom may appear to come into play. Believe me when I say, it doesn't. What if these dreams I have aren't anything more? What if I'm never intended to be blessed in that way? My obedience, my joyful obedience is to the call of the cross. Because friends, in the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, it bids me come, and die. Die to my wants, my desires, my, dare I say, hopes. Die to live freely in Him.

So, my goals for the next 5 to 10 years, you ask?

Live. Live obediently. Joyfully. And gratefully for every moment He brings, every adventure He plans, every job He provides, and every dream He may, or may not fulfill.